Showing posts with label Dad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dad. Show all posts

Sunday, March 31, 2013

and that language is 'poes'

A couple of lines from different periods come together in this picture

blijven
"you are sweet, papa, you have to stay alive."

The first is one of the unique things my father did: he kept a diary on the things my sister and i said as we grew up and learned to speak. The keeping of such a diary itself might not be unique, but as far as i know, it is the only one that has ever been published. It was a source of endless joy for me as a kid, since the first 3 print runs of the book, between 1976 and 1981, i wasn't in it, and as soon as i discovered that i teased my dad about preferring my sister over me. Plus my sister had to deal with all those embarrassing adults who'd swoon over the adorable things she'd said -none of which she remembered.

But all good things must end, and in 2000 the book got another edition, this time with an additional chapter: The language of Daniel. I had some fun teasing my dad again, thanking him for finally acknowledging me and rectifying this grave injustice, but then it backfired as it turns out my sister was indeed much funnier and smarter than i was. Pretty much all i said till i was about 5 was 'poes', which means cat. My poor father even had to devise a list of things i meant with 'poes', just to prove to himself i wasn't entirely retarded.

and that language is poes

The translation of that whole piece is this:


"21-3-'76

For the second time i'm witnessing from up close that a child learns how to talk. And despite all my efforts and focused attention I haven't been able to catch the phenomenon on a decisive phase that I would like to call 'origin'. Daniel's language too seems to have been brought from a secretive, prenatal existence. Only the slowness of its development forces me to assume that he's learning it from us, gradually and in a way that's not dictated by us.
He started later than his sister, Neeltje. That's apparently normal for boys: hard wood grows slowly. How he started, I don't know. I suspect in the same way as all babies and I think that is: by listening to the rhythm and sound of our sentences. Even before he could say one word, he would talk in a tone that he knew from us, but without filling in the rhythm with words.
He now says three or four words: poes (cat), papa, da, sometimes mama. But he knows a lot more of them. What he says is only a fraction of his passive vocabulary. I know that, because I experiment with it. This morning I said: 'Daantje, give the doll a kiss.' He crawled through his stall, took the doll and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Other assignments too he appears to understand well.
I'm not sure he uses his limited vocabulary in a truly targeted fashion. He says 'papa' too when the word doesn't refer to me. Neeltje did the same thing for a long time. At this moment 'poes' is his favorite word, and has been for two weeks. He has practiced it for months. First it was pf... followed by lots of blowing, then 'poe' and only recently 'poes'. He uses the word very targeted, that is when he sees a cat, also on television. I really should say that in those moments, he doesn't use another word or squeak, but immediately says 'poes'. But he calls a lot of other animals that too. When a dog was here two weeks ago, he kept saying 'poes' and would not be corrected. He seemed to make it into a game to keep saying 'poes' and did so with a malicious and triumphant laugh. 'This is a dog, dog.' 'Poes.' 'No, dog.' 'Poes, poes, haha.'
I think something is going on here that I notticed too late with Neeltje. I thought of it when I went to get him from his bed yesterday afternoon and this morning. He was already standing upright, looked around his room and pointed imperatively -his little index finger not straight ahead, but in an angle of 145 degrees to his hand- to all sorts of objects, and with it said 'poes' every time. I can't assume that he saw all that stuff and those plants as cats. Apparently he wants to greet me into his world and to do so, he wielded the only word he has the hang of. He greeted me in his language and that language is 'poes'. The word doesn't only refer to the cat, but more than that it means that he wants to start communicating. With 'poes' he informs us: 'I can talk'. Corrections such as 'no, dog' he resolutely rejects because they literally threaten to dumbfound him.
With Neeltje I used to initially think, as the faithful reader of treatises in which the beginning is always represented as very simple, that such words for concrete things could only relate to those things themselves. Now I notice that 'poes' includes all sorts of meanings, amongst which also something like a reflection on language. The latter happens mostly when a word is repeated over and over: there occurs something like a greenhouse process in which that one word becomes a whole language and metalanguage. 'Poes' coming from Daniel's mouth means:
  1. that cat there,
  2. that animal there,
  3. look over there,
  4. I want to talk
  5. I have already learned to talk
  6. I want to keep talking,
  7. I talk like I want to.
'Da' is sometimes 'daag' (bye), sometimes also 'dank je' (thank you). Often he says 'da da' when he wants to have something. Thanking then becomes an order."

That was from the first entry in his diary on my language, written 37 years ago this week. The picture that started this blog was from an entry written 34 years ago to the day -yesterday. He never published that entry, deciding to restrict the publication, like he did with my sister, to the end of a year. In my case that was the end of 1978. 

This book has always been the most dear to me of all my dad's books, not just because it is about my sister (and later on about me as well), but also because it was the first book of my dad i could actually read. I'd tried his philosophical work when i was a kid and had to give up before i'd ended the page. It had scarred me a little: i thought i was too dumb to be his son. But reading his words about my sister i understood him quite well, and enjoyed it. It was my first step on the long road of my dad's oeuvre. 

So when my dad sent me the new edition, i was in college in New York and as a thank you, i did my final thesis on this book, translating large chunks of it. He had helped me get to this college abroad, had supported me in so many ways that  figured it was the least i could do, plus there was poetry in ending it with where it began -after all, i was studying communication.

Back to the present: a few days ago i feel the need to translate dad and i have a couple of days off for Easter. I'm in the middle (or actually at about two thirds) of translating one of his books, but it is heavy going -i never really got quite smart enough to dive to the depths of my father's thinking and translating his work on violence i find myself at the edge of my capacities, often out of my depth. So i want to do something lighter, and i have the perfect book for it. My father had another couple of unique books, and one of them is a book about words that are dear to him. 508 words, each word has a page, each page three paragraphs. For a son who's not quite as bright as his dad, they're perfect, as my attention span can keep up for one page. For a translator, they are like little bonbons: you spent a couple of hours on a pearl of the dutch language. It's very difficult because each piece really is about language and very specifically the dutch language, but with the right word it is a great challenge.

So it is almost Easter, and i open the book randomly, and the word i see is 'resurrection'. Click. I read the first paragraph, and i know i'm in trouble, because he relates the word for resurrection to the word rising -in dutch resurrection is 'opstanding' and rising 'opstaan'. This pearl won't be quite as smooth in English. But then i read the second paragraph and now i can't refuse this translation. It says:

"Why do we for the length of history deny death or compare it to the sleep from which we rise again every morning? We apparently have a compelling motif for it that doesn't exactly coincide with the attachment to our own existence. Shall we call it love? When we love someone, do we do anything else than to confirm the existence of that person so absolutely that we can't think of our own existence without them? 'To love someone', said Gabriel Marcel, 'is to say: you shall not die.' And when the impossible happens still and we see that person laying there, cold and powerless, we can't just revoke that absolute statement. When we love someone, they have to stay. When it has all appearances that they have left, they will have to return sooner or later and death can at most be a provisional state. The thought of the resurrection and the return seems to have been prompted by hopelessness or hope against all odds. But what do we know of death and what reasons do we have not to rise against it?"

Back to 2002: after my father died in 2001 we found this collection of dear words on his desk, and we publish it. After that we've also published a translation and interpretation of Heidegger that we found and then we started cataloguing all his handwritings and his collected works. When all of that was done, the handwritings went to the Dutch museum for literature. All handwritings, except for those about my sister's and my language: those we keep for ourselves. I have those little books and when i really miss my dad, i look through them. That's how i found what i'd said 34 years ago -it instantly made me cry. First time i saw it i immediately wanted to take a picture of it, publish it: it fits with everything i'm trying to do for my dad. But there was no context.

And three days ago i randomly open a book and there's the context. 1979 gets connected to 2001 and linked with 2013 and with all we've been working for since my father died. You can find the complete translation of 'resurrection' on his blog:


Oh, and as another random Easter occurrence, i found out yesterday that should you ever find yourself in a Dutch town called Waalwijk, you can go to the Cornelis Verhoevenstraat. But if you name a street after a philosopher, does it really exist? 

inscription
"for the same Daniel, 2-2-2000, from the same father", signed on his birthday

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Cornelis Verhoeven, 2-2-1928

Today would have been my father's 85th birthday.

It's strange how much i still miss him, or rather, how little that has changed. He's being celebrated in Belgium with a day of lectures about his work, and i had the privilege to read one of those lectures. It is an impressive and beautiful essay, both intellectual and personal, close to the bone and sharp without being vicious or hurtful. But the author takes a step that made me feel very uncomfortable: he addressed dad with three questions.

In the almost twelve years he's been dead i've tried addressing him directly only once, in writing him a letter, and i gave up midway through my first paragraph. All i heard were my words echoing back from the nothingness he left, all it did was emphasize what was missing. His absence from my life is so monumental, and has been from the moment i saw him go, that i can't pretend he's around. Sometimes i desperately wish he was around, maybe not so much to ask questions, but more to just be around him, smell him, share a smile with him over coffee, feel what the house is like when he's concentrating on his work. It's the corner of his mouth, the exhale in the pause of a sentence, the twinkle when he raised his eyes to meet yours -tiny things, millions of them. All that is missing, still, and will be, forever, and addressing him for me is just a needless pointing out what is no longer there.

But i admire it, like i admire people who can pray and mean it. There'll never be an answer to his questions but that doesn't make them any less viable -i just couldn't have asked them. Hell, i probably couldn't have made them up -my dad couldn't swim but i drown in less than half an inch of philosophy. All i can do, the closest i get to having him about, is reading him and translating him. So that's what i do. An essay that makes me feel close to him, because it's about water, and i can relate. You can find it here, on his blog:

http://cornelisverhoeven.wordpress.com/



Friday, December 14, 2012

frost -still water, just harder. And smaller.

One interesting part of travel is jet lag. It's not just about time difference -i'd say that's only a small part of it. In William Gibson's novel Pattern Recognition it is described as the time it takes the soul to come back to the body; we travel faster than our souls can on airplanes, and it takes a while for them to reconnect. You sit still for a long time and when you get up again, you're in a different world. It takes time to adjust, time for the soul to travel the same distance the body just has done.

After Vertical Blue, i went from a blue water white beach warm world filled with friends and passion to a grey and cold London filled with hard work. The transition took a week of grump. The two things that helped were my girl, and water. Water, as an element, is endlessly fascinating in all its forms, and even though i was away from its blue deep form, i was surrounded by its frosty form. It beckoned me to go out exploring again, even if i'd been working outside all day and had become quite frosted myself.

It was near the end of the day, and though i was surrounded by monuments

monumental tree and frosted grass 2

graveyard ivy tree v2

my attention was drawn down

frosted grass

from monuments to moments, almost literally frozen in time

frosted branch

leaves frosted

frosted seeds

and i saw the cohesion, the link between blue water and frost

frosted web at dusk

which is when my soul returned to me, i reckon

frosted roses

It reminds me of something my father wrote about the element of water: "That water is an element means that man could attribute an endless amount of meanings to it, but only based on the fact, that the water itself is the centre, and not subjected to an ‘egotrip’. It’s not man that makes water, it’s water that makes man and invites him to contemplation. Drifting on water, listening to the waves or with his eyes following the stream he is confronted with something that in force and duration surpasses his own existence and on which he depends."

Friday, October 19, 2012

Cornelis Verhoeven, violence as inspiration

56 years ago today, my dad defended his thesis Symbology of the foot and got his doctorate. He always celebrated this day, more so than his birthday, so i try to honor this day by putting up a translation on his blog. This year i picked a passage from a book i've been trying to translate, 'Against violence', which is a magnificent brain breaker of an essay on a very worthy topic.

"In all its subtle and complicated morphology violence lies like a dark stain in our existence, collectively, individually and especially in the obscure transition areas between them. And it wouldn’t be violence, wouldn’t be ascendency, if that stain was merely put there by us and could be removed at our discretion. That’s why it is good to contemplate one’s powerlessness before speaking too strongly about violence."

Monday, June 11, 2012

Cornelis Verhoeven and Ischa Meijer

11 years ago today my father died. To commemorate him, i've translated an interview from 1991, when he and violinist Vera Beths were guests at Ischa Meijer's talkshow. I remember going there quite well, sitting in that audience and meeting Ischa -who was tiny but much kinder that you'd expect from his interviews. But i didn't remember anything that was said, so when i saw the interview again a couple of years ago, i was mostly struck by a moment 4 minutes and 40 seconds into the video -there's a moment when he's so totally unguarded himself, that i found myself watching those 2 seconds over and over again. On later viewings i was also struck by what he said about being edified (22:08). And i still giggle when he pokes Ischa -a notoriously teasing interviewer- back by saying "Next time you read Plato" (6:50) like it's something you do daily.

It's strange how it's already 11 years -feels much shorter, and at the same time, like a lifetime ago.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Cornelis Verhoeven - the detour of words

Today would have been my father's 84th birthday. I miss him a lot, and often, but i never quite know how to express that. The essay i've put on his blog today explained a little to me why that is the  case. Part of it is this:

"We continuously need new words to express old experiences. And especially within the expression of those elemental experiences lurks the kitsch. This is what makes them inexpressible."

The rest of the essay, 'The detour of words', can be found here:


bench and willow in mist

Friday, December 2, 2011

a tree of knowledge

Last weekend i was in Holland to present a book to my sister. The book is about my father, in a roundabout sorta way: he and his work inspired an artist, Jeanne Schouten, who made several pieces with his book titles or key words as their names. She had a beautiful exhibition in my hometown, and i kept staring at her piece  'een boom van kennis' (a tree of knowledge):

een boom van kennis 2

In the essay, my father describes the moment he became aware of himself as a spectator; he'd just come home from school, and was standing on a little stump of a tree, watching his mother talk to a merchant through a window. "The image in my head, not forced onto me by anyone and not shared with anyone, my inalienable and precarious possession, shows little more than an apparition of my mother and a rim of ginger hair on the skull of the merchant. That is indeed not material for a story and cannot compete in levels of epic with even the scent of a cooky, about which Marcel Proust wrote his masterpiece.

But what is especially connected to it is the look backwards from that unexciting scene to myself and the rickety stump I was standing on, in that moment the navel of the earth, and the realization: i’m standing here, and there behind that window something is visible which I’m looking at now and which I fiercely want not to be a delusion, but evidence of my return home. From that fierce will my me as witness of my own life was born. Suddenly and permanently I couldn’t see anything without seeing at the same time that I saw it and that I was watching it, or: without knowing that I knew and recognizing my knowledge as mine. I saw everything double, there where it was and in my head."
(you can find the whole translation of the essay here: http://cornelisverhoeven.wordpress.com/2011/12/02/a-tree-of-knowledge/ )
I've always been touched by that essay, wondering how a 4 year old boy can be that deep, and when i saw what Jeanne had done with it, how she'd found the right kind of stump, how she'd made it rickety by giving it only three feet, how she incorporated the shine of old metal my father was so fond of, how she used gold and patina to indicate the apparition, i instantly felt a fondness for that piece by her. All of her work is marvelous (check out this great one called 'detour': http://www.jeanneschouten.nl/gaandeweg16.html) but the tree touched me especially.
So i made mention of that during my little stuttering speech. Little did i suspect at the time of writing that speech that Jeanne had remembered how much i enjoyed that piece, and i was enormously surprised when she gave me it as a present when i had done mumbling. It was a scary thing transporting it, but luckily i have the large bags, rigid fins and soft suits that come with freediving, so the tree was protected and now stands where i can see it when i go to bed and wake up, reminding me of that wonder is a matter of perception -you see it when you see it if you realize that it's you seeing it.
een boom van kennis

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Falling leave

To combat the onslaught of autumn melancholy i translated a piece by my dad about the homesickness he felt around this time of year. He put it beautifully: "What we achieve will forever lag behind what we desire. Looking back from the point where we are to where we started from, all we see is an insurmountable distance. Homesickness to me seems an attempt to measure that distance, to gauge its haziness."


More here: http://cornelisverhoeven.wordpress.com/2011/10/23/falling-leave/


autumn leaves bw

Saturday, August 13, 2011

interview Cornelis Verhoeven 1979

This is an interview with my dad conducted in 1979, just after he'd won the Netherlands' most prestigious literary prize, the P.C. Hooftprize. If he appears to be somewhat/very grumpy and edgy, it is not just because they'd sent him an arrogant interviewer who'd never heard of him, but mostly because he was going through a divorce. But what he says about the word being a middle position between thought and action is a major theme in his work. For me this is not an easy video to watch or translate, and it isn't my dad at his best, but it does show some vulnerable sides of him i think are beautiful.




Saturday, June 11, 2011

Cornelis Verhoeven

It's ten years ago today that he died. In order to commemorate him i started a blog for him:

http://cornelisverhoeven.wordpress.com/

I've posted some new translations on it, and a bit of a video interview with him from 1985 that i've translated:



I'll gradually put all the work i've translated here on that blog as well.

Missing him isn't getting any easier.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Spirituality, by Cornelis Verhoeven



Spirituality

With the word 'spirituality' i still involuntarily think of monasteries or congregations and of the subtle differences that used to exist between them. For that is the context in which i've gotten to know the word. There was for example a benedictine, a dominican and a franciscan spirituality. That way of ecclesiastical life or that mentality could be more or less described by experts and even in its effects be read on faces, but it was mostly a matter of empathy and inner kindredness. I never got really far into that myself, but i think i remember that 'redemptorists' had a somewhat creaky voice and strong-willed chins because of their high collars. But despite those odd memories the word 'spirituality' has remained extraordinarily dear to me and the value of spirituality has never become the object of any skepticism. For it has to do with the characteristic of being 'spiritual' and therefore isn't completely dictated by things that are material, worldly and fashionable, but more by an interest of matters of the mind -to put it solemnly. With that comes firstly the refusal to deduce those matters to more superficial affairs. In which way and within which tradition a person is spiritual is then already much less relevant and i assume that there is little interest for it outside of the convents.
Why the word had been used so little for a while i couldn't say with certainty, but it is possible that it is related to the fact that it used to be connected to some explicitly religious and clerical associations. Lots of people seem to have become allergic to that. Despite that, for the last couple of years i've been seeing the word more often and it seems as though the religious pressure has been lifted off of it. It still fits very well for religious affairs, but it looks as though a spiritual dimension has been discovered outside of religion, for example in austerity, a culture in which the environment is spared and the destructive tendencies of commercialism and consumption are acknowledged. But what was predictable, has in the meantime happened: for spirituality too a market was discovered. And if there's one thing that isn't spiritual, it is a market. The word will therefore probably not be around for long, even when different brands of spirituality start competing, like they did in the old days. In this situation spirituality can show how resistant it is. If it turns out not to be, it will rightfully be discarded as one of the uncountable fashions that are based solely on imitation and have no content of their own. Then it would have to start again as a hidden, inner life.
Austerity as a spiritual attitude and a characteristic of a spiritual life has long been preached, perhaps solely to justify a poverty that was considered inevitable. In a time of poverty it then becomes almost something suspect, but in times of plenty it gets the chance to become a style of living that cannot simply be reduced to a lack of fat and vitamins. Spirituality, from my point of view, is mostly a matter of style, and style is at its best when it is a voluntary restriction of available means, therefore a form of austerity. The new spirituality has possibly risen from a resistance to a style-less submission to the dumb fat and wallowing in consumptive abundance. For this abundance feeds an insatiable gluttony and develops into a form of poverty to which there is no end. Spirituality represents the style that can limit this.


~ Cornelis Verhoeven 


weeping willow square 2

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Cornelis Verhoeven, Attention

He would have turned 83 today. I miss him.


Attention

In his book 'The interior of reality' Marc Schabracq says something about attention that struck me. Namely that he doesn't connect it to the pricking up of the ears, like we see in dogs, but to the aiming of the eye to a certain point; and he thinks this is a purposeful process. At the base of this there appears to be a goal-oriented selection from the multitude of things that are detectable to our eyes and ears within the bandwidth to which our perceptions are limited. For we can't see everything that in principle is visible nor prick our ears up to what we can't hear. I quote a short extract: “In everyday life attention is a purposeful process. (...) We don't just take notice of something and we don't just divide the world into separate events and objects. The object of our attention represents for us a meaning that can have consequences in the light of our own goals and actions.” What is important in this description seems to me the presumption that the initiative for attention comes from the observer himself and not from eye-catching affairs that unconsciously draw our attention by alarming or fascinating us.
It seems unmistakable to me that attention always has this ordering function or serves it, but i doubt whether it's always so purposefully and actively chosen and used as a means. Within the wait or watchfulness that is attention, there is also always room for the unexpected that as object of attention remains undetermined. And the way we usually use the word doesn't exclude, but more so seems to imply, that attention isn't our own product or an act of our will, but that it is being caught from outside and forced by something that strikes us because of its own importance, without any special effort on our part. Attention can also ambush us and be forced upon us. The object of our chosen attention can be shoved aside by something else that distracts us from the first attention. The effect of that is that our own image of the whole doesn't become more clear, but is instead disturbed. We can no longer make heads or tails of it and the necessity of a completely different and no less temporary order of the whole can suddenly present itself. In attention as a form of wonder things loose their obviousness and ask for a new appraisal.
Attention is, i think, not an instrument we can wield at will. For practical life, in which we with a certain stubbornness -also a form of attention- strive for our own goals, this can have some drawbacks. It seems more like absent-mindedness than like concentration. But for a contemplative frame of mind or a way of thinking that isn't directly geared towards a product, this change of perspective can be very fascinating and given some time even very fertile. It is that mostly because pretty much every different perspective leads to new insights. Or, to put it in less relative terms, attention, produced from within or dictated from outside, is always rewarding. Reality owes a lot of its meaning to being the object of concentrated and dedicated attention. Things apparently thrive with a form of attention in which they are allowed to be present and not be neglected.

~ Cornelis Verhoeven

papa bureau

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Cornelis Verhoeven, Symboliek van de voet, 19 oktober 1956

54 years ago today my father promoted on his thesis 'Symbolism of the foot'. Though he rarely did anything special on his birthday, october 19th was a day he always made sure to celebrate with friends or us. He was quite proud of that book, and also of the speed with which he'd promoted, proving to his father and the rest of the world he was no slouch -though no one thought this of him, the guilt of being allowed to study instead of working on the farm like the rest of the family stayed with my father all of his life. To have a book proving your hard work and acknowledging your efforts worthwhile (he promoted cum laude) must have been a big relief for him.

He describes how he came up with the idea of the book as follows; he had written three essays of together more than 300 pages, the third and most lyrical being the one for history of religion, called 'symbolism of the foot':

"The idea for which i'd come up with a few years earlier, walking in the street behind a girl who had something devine in her movements and who also in other ways highly fascinated and confused me. I was surprised that the asphalt under her feet remained indifferent, that it wouldn't wave under the clatter of her sandals, and that no flowers sprouted forth from it, such as it happens in mythology when a goddess approaches and strides past. Of course i fell in love with this goddess, followed her ways and found her address, but my careful and shy advances were not appreciated. And with the first surly glance i had already set for the horizon. Maybe she dreamt of a young god in a red sports car  who would take her with him to the full life on beaches far away. As far as i know he never appeared. I myself started to suspect that also in amorous ways i was not born for a grand and thrilling life. But my enthusiasm about the idea of a carpet of flowers underneath the feet of a goddess did not suffer from it; it had in the mean time gained its own meaning and undisturbedly followed its own dynamic. A bit of a broken heart is also intellectually interesting."

From 'De glans van oud ijzer' ('The shine of old iron'), Cornelis Verhoeven.

patridedicat

First fruits of his intellect dedicated to the author's father

Friday, June 11, 2010

Cornelis Verhoeven 1928 - 2001

It's been nine years today.

"When we think about death, we make an endless detour around a given that we can't digest. But on that detour we discover in the light of our mortality also everything that is connected to it: our powerlessness, fears, faults, passivity. The thought of death must teach us not to experience these things as merely negative values. They are an essential part of our brief life. When we try to turn them off, we do ourselves an injustice. Our powerlessness also means that we can be overwhelmed by wonder or enthusiasm. Caving in can be an elemental joy. Thinking of death teaches us also that life is a gift over which we can't willfully command. We are in at least as strong a measure a witness to it as its possessor."

~ Cornelis Verhoeven, excerpt from the essay 'De betekenis van de dood in het leven' (the meaning of death in life), in the book 'De resten van het vaderschap' (The rest of fatherhood), Ambo, 1975

resten

Monday, May 10, 2010

light weights

My father collected weights. Not for excercise -though moving them to every new house has proven to be quite the work-out- but because he had this idea that a philosopher is a weight that wants to way itself, and he was fond of the shine of old metal objects that had been used a lot. So i also have a collection of old nails, and tin inkpots, and all sorts of things that are a nightmare to pack but a little gift every time you unwrap them.

Today, in the window, the weights proved quite light.

lightweights5

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Cornelis Verhoeven interview on Belgium TV

An interview from 1981 about Seneca. The bit with dad starts after 5 minutes.


The backstory to this interview is that in the early 80's, my father was going through a rough period in his life. He was getting divorced and found himself without ideas to write about. He later said that not having any ideas yourself is no excuse to close yourself off from the ideas of others, which is one of the reasons why he started translating -mainly Seneca. These translations are probably the reason why he was invited to talk about Seneca.

Friday, March 26, 2010

the faceted fairy doin' disco

Now this might look like an ordinary crystal you'd hang in a window to get little rainbows all over your room when the light hits it

orange facet

but it is, in fact, a magic crystal you'd hang in a window to get little rainbows all over your room when the light hits it.

Light, you see -light being the reason that you see- isn't really caused by a thermonuclear explosion billions of miles from us; it is the result of fairies dancing. These fairies are drawn to beautiful objects with which they can play, such as pearls, drops of water, and crystals. Sometimes they love these objects so much, feel so at home with them, they inhabit them.

The crystal here is one that once belonged to my father, and it indeed has a fairy living inside of it, as you can plainly see

crystal fairy

Now she's a little shy, so i hadn't seen her do this before, but it turns out she loves orange even more than i do, and when you put her in orange light, she will dance

orange dance

And the funny thing is, when you give her a bit of strobe, she'll get downright disco on your ass

ghost of the orange discoball

I love her so much i've decided not to give her my usual lame name, like 'Twinker Smell' or something alike. Instead, i'll just watch her dance in the orange light, and let the mystery remain nameless.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

dicey shots

Had an idea for a rather tricky shot, involving my dad's dice. He had a copper dice that you wouldn't throw, but spin. I've played with it since i was a kid and keep it in the same place in the same desk as he did. I wanted to see if i could photograph it in action, and whether i could put my spin on it spinning.

The easiest way to go about it was to do a standard shot of it spinning, and capture that lovely blurry top

topspin

the next step was trying to capture it in mid-spin, while still portraying movement -which was pretty tricky

four

the last step would be to get the mid-spin and the movement, and then add camera movement, which took me forever

one and five

as is usually the case with me shooting, there were a million shots -or maybe a hundred- and lots of mistakes, but one of them was bizar

theghostofone2

i kinda know how it happened, but like to think i captured the ghost of the dice.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

letters and pens

My sister and i had some trouble figuring out what to do with our father's letters to us. It was fairly obvious his work, including letters, should be preserved. The national museum of literature had expressed interest, but we both had difficulty in donating our personal things. In the end, i made copies of the letters he wrote me and gave away those. They are really good, displaying not only what a great writer he was, but also how loving a father. The originals i kept and read regularly. I also kept his pens. They've run dry.

letter

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Cornelis Verhoeven, Pausing by the water

My father would have turned 82 today. I would have loved to have seen him at this age, to see him with his grandkids, to hear him bitch about media, to scare him and at the same time make him proud with my strange sport, and to generally have him around.

The essay below is one he wrote in 1974, and its theme is very dear to me. I hope i did it justice in my translation, and i know it's a lot of text, but i was curious to see what that would look like on a page usually filled with photo's. Besides, you can click on the title to get the word document, and if you'd like, you can send me the improved version.










There are in the world a number of things that, in the measure in which they can spontaneously grab our attention, can compete with the most sensational occurrences. A burning fire, a sleeping child, a spinning wheel, rolling waves, streaming water, falling snowflakes and raindrops on a window irresistibly draw our gaze towards them and keep hold of it so long that we forget time. They are movements that invite a passer-by to pause and place him outside of the stream of history for a moment. They completely take hold of us without being in any way sensational.

They only have this in common with sensational occurrences, that at every moment there are changes in the spectacle; but those changes are minimal, random, endless and in no way contribute to a predictable or a tensely awaited end, The happenings that occur don’t add anything to the spectacle and do not change the totality. A maximum of movement coincides with a minimum of change. They occur within a fairly limited frame. The sensation does not lay outside of the spectacle and the tension isn’t caused by the expectation of a shocking occurrence, which will break out of the frame, or a decisive turn in the history of what is happening. Nothing happens, or: the very little that does happen more affirms the status quo than that it creates spectacular changes within it. There is an intense dynamic, but it has its terrain within a frame that seems more static; what happens bends back into a horizon, in which it is no longer a happening, but regular order.

Still these movements interest us no less than an exciting match. This fact in and of itself is wondrous. Apparently the repetition of almost identical movements can be fascinating and in a certain sense spectacular, without any thought of a decision or an end. Spectacular in a literal sense is what is a spectacle en invites us to watch. An classic tragedy was interesting for spectators and compelled them to watch, even though in most cases they knew exactly how the play would end. The tension was created more by a balanced building up than by the question what would happen next.

That causes a thought to rise, that also the tension of a decisive match is determined more by the structure of the happening itself than by perspectives on what will happen next, therefore more by the present and the presence than by the future. The more equal the parties are, the more stringent the rules to which the players must adhere, the more then the forces keep each other in equilibrium and make a surprising result unlikely, the more interesting can the match be and the more the spectacle will tie the spectators to the present. In the same way the back and forth movements start to resemble more the rolling of the waves and the flickering of a flame within a balanced frame. The tension of a match is decided by the repose of the decision and repose means: absence at this moment. The moment itself is being occupied by different thoughts, it fills itself with the lyrical presence with an endless movement. To watch is only to be witness, gazing at what happens over there, in the water, in the fire, or on the field. New flames shoot up, new waves roll in, new resistance delays the victory.

These things appear so different, that it seems nonsense to join them. That this happens anyway has a meaning. For with all too much fervor staring into the fire or water is labeled as a somewhat introverted musing, while watching a game is seen as stout, extraverted engagement with brave deeds and perhaps also as a preschool of the willingness of actually participating in those activities. This way of seeing things can be questioned , which will immediately relate to other discrepancies that are taken for granted, such as between activity and passivity, the outside world and the inside world, doing and thinking, labor and leisure.

Whoever stares into the fire or gets enthralled by the endless roughing of the waves more easily gives off the impression to be lost within his own thoughts than the spectator at a match. It is likely that this is caused less by a deep difference in the symbolical meaning of the movement towards which the attention is geared, than by the circumstance that at a competition, a spectator is not alone, but amidst a large mass, that with loud yells encourages the competing parties in the hope to influence the outcome with it. That can provide the illusion of activity. But when the supporters are as equally divided as the players, in the incoming waves of encouragements too a balance will arise. In this case, nonetheless, it is clear that the centre of attention is outside of us, there on the field.

But also when we are musingly staring into the fire or being enthralled by streaming water, we don’t think of ourselves. We think of nothing, or of something that is too large to think about it in detail. Thought seems to stand still in wonder of something that it can’t comprehend. Maybe the movement of fire, water and breath is so fascinating, because for us it is a symbol for the restlessness of our own inner being, but it exudes calm, because it exists clearly and undoubtedly outside of us. Attention for that movement frees us from ourselves and directs itself to an outside world, which engrosses us by its own qualities.

There are not so many things which can, in this way, without the promise of a decisive outcome, fascinate us and rip us away from our own centre. We could say, that it concerns elemental things. In the elements a number of characteristics are present in a focused way, that keep being of interest to us: omnipresence, eternal returning, recovery of balance, irreplaceability, concreteness, in short everything that makes them suitable to be the carriers of endless symbolism. Elements make us spectators. We pause by them and wonder about their pure presence. For a moment the matter-of-factness of an outside world made manageable falls away and we focus out attention on a secret. Musings near the fire, water and other elements don’t let us sink into the own inner self, rather than that it places us with a soft shock in the outside world, of which we –until now perhaps thoughtless users- suddenly become surprised witnesses.

By speaking of elements we don’t exactly bring the secret of the world within our own reach, but we acknowledge that for the time being it is outside of this reach and cannot be reduced to a function of our own power. The word is an attempt to indicate within the multifaceted reality a structure or a skeleton, or rather: to verbalize a suspicion of a structure. ‘Elementa’ –a word with an obscure origin- was used by the Romans to denote the letters of the alphabet made out of ivory, and later also the raw materials, of which the world in the antique’s point of view was composed. Elements, letters are not the literature, materials are not the world. The word ‘element’ is no more that a coat rack for our willingness to penetrate deeper into the world, a temporal but un-omitable repose for our wonder. The inexplicable word explains nothing; it only says that man, faced with an interminable multitude, wants to bring order to it so not to be perplexed forever.

Earth, water, air and fire, ranked according to density and mass, were in the minds of the Presocratics thought of as raw materials, from which the visible world was build and to which all matter could be reduced. Elements are at the beginning and end of everything; they survive the fortunes of what is build up out of them. Between arising and perishing a whole history occurs, in which the elements get mixed in the most diverse ways and form complex structures. The way up goes in reverse order through the same stages as the way down.

This whole symbolism seems to deduce to a great wonder about the elements, but it represents at the same time a certain phase in the history of attempts to articulate this wonder and make it into an instrument. The thinking of the Presocratics has beaten the myth, in which elements and forces of nature were represented as gods. It is a decisive step in the history of the human emancipation to from now on give a god or nymph the name ‘water’ or ‘earth’. This secularization brings the manageability of the world closer. Earth, water, air and fire are no longer only being worshiped, like Demeter, Poseidon, Zeus and Hephaestus, but also principally engaged in human activity. Gods are outside of that. They diverge to an invisible world, where they cannot be reached. The classic school of elements has maintained its validity for so many centuries, because it functioned as an attempt to replace the focal point of an explanation of the material world from outside that world to within it, and to make its substance accessible for human efforts.

Wonder brings things closer. It does invite us to pause and to postpone immediate action, but we pause ‘at’: the strangeness is discovered in our own surroundings, like an element beneath our feet, before our eyes and in our hands. The process of demystification and rationalizing, which started with the Presocratics, does not get stuck in introverted musings, but becomes the technical manageability of things. Rationalizing appears to be for a large part operationalizing; we have learned to connect the measure in which we understand and can explain something, to the measure in which we master it technically.

One of the Presocratics, Thales of Miletus (640 – 550) thought of water as the most important element. ‘All is water’, he said, but also accredited to him is the maxim ‘all is full of gods’. There are anecdotes about his life that illustrate his absent-mindedness, and others that must prove, how sober and practical this ancient engineer was in several fields: astronomy, economics and hydraulics. He predicted a solar eclipse and a bad wine harvest and was able to make a profit from this knowledge. He cut off a bend in a river to let an army go through. His dream of the all-explaining water apparently went alongside a practical mastery of this element. When everything is water, everything has to be predictable and manageable according to the laws of water; but when everything at the same time is also full of gods, the wonder about this primal element will never find a definitive way out to a complete technical submission or a total self-evidence.

Elements remain things that we pause at. That means in the first place, that they grab our interest and incite our wonder. A meeting with the elements perplexes us and makes us contemplative. Pausing means furthermore, that we for some time halt our activities and our urge to intervene. ‘Elementary’ we call those things, that by their own quality ask for our respect. It is not without reason that they were once represented as untouchable gods. An element is that which resists further treatment, what must be left to its own wisdom and structure and cannot with impunity be subjected to our capriciousness.

Also in that sense water is an element at which we have to pause; it makes us hesitate. Historically that hesitation can be interpreted as a certain conservatism in dealing with the elements. From Thales till the eighteenth century not much has changed therein. The classic symbolism of water does not end with the classics, but also outside of the classical culture has a historical validity and exemplary worth. The attention water as element asks and the respect it demands, are determined by the convincing way in which it manifests itself as an independent world and an impressive force.

In musing about water the mind experiences the human powerlessness against elemental occurrences. Elementary is what refutes the illusion of human omnipotence with its own manifestation. The wonder about water is a realization of the limits that come with the manageability of the elements, and of the multiple uses it has within those limits.

Translate din terms of technology this wonder means a focused attention for the particularities of the element and is respect: the willingness to obey the elements own laws when using it. ‘Nature can only be beaten by obeying it’, Francis Bacon wrote in a time in which the immerging sciences could not yet dream of replacing nature. The discovery of systematic laws is an invitation to obey them and to consult with the matter. The ‘soft technology’ is determined in this consultation and is besides some human cleverness also a tribute to the elements. In ancient times this respect had taken the shape of a cult.

The ancient technology of sailing, to name one example, does not only let be the divine power of water, but seems to be imbedded in expressions of pious reverie for the powers that control water. Sailing has never been taken for granted. It always coincided with the feeling, that something daring was undertaken, not only in relation to one’s own life and personal safety, but also in the sense that it remained an expression of over-confidence against an element, that invites us to pause and limits the human expansion.

In the first century before Christ, Horace says after quite an innocent sea trip to Greece, that the human species, cheeky enough to endeavor anything, is plummeting itself into a prohibited venture by going to sea. Mortals have mastered air and fire and also for water they won’t stop. ‘In vain God has in his wisdom separated the lands by the ocean as a border, when the godforsaken ships still dare to jump over waters that should have been unapproachable.’ If we weight this maxim without poetical exaggeration and a conservative pathos, then still remains a starting point, with which contemporaries could agree: the wariness for the sacredness of the elements.

Water is a force that needs to be reconciled with this way of exploitation. ‘Sailing is necessary’, but it needs to continually be paired with excuses to the forces, like the primitive hunt too and the rituals of hunters are not without a salute to the wild animals. Libations were poured out and prayers directed to the winds. Without their benevolent cooperation the bold technological undertaking of seafaring would be doomed to failure. With all his haughtiness and power man still is dependent on the elements. According to an ancient legend the Persian king Xerxes, driven by a very high esteem of his own power, but also conceding to the coercion of an archaic representation, had the Hellespont tortured, when a storm there had destroyed his ship bridge and his plans had fallen into water.

The symbolism of the holey water is as complicated as the element is all around. In it, the violence of the waves has a place together with the depth of the sea, the clarity of the lake, the squishiness of the puddle, the velocity of a mountain creek and the innocence of the source. Water is a living element. When Thales said that everything is water, he must have thought about living creatures in the first place. In the ancient symbolism water is the element that brings forth and renews life. Life is a gift from water. Living water means new life and a renewal of the old life.

The ritual use of water is steeped in the same respect for the element as its technical exploitation. The ritual washing in living water is more an invitation to symbolical thinking about the element than an effective cleansing. The ritual cleansing activates the symbolism of the stream that passes and carries away. The cleansing water, according to this symbolical way of thinking, takes with it all that is alien to the one being submerged into it; it gives him back his proper and undivided identity, the one he had before he got smudged by history. As an element water makes a fertile connection with the primal time and the beginning. ‘All is water’ can, except for that everything arose from water, also mean that everything can be renewed by the element that represents the primal time and with it the model with which everything should be measured. Washing is, like many old rituals, an attempt to wipe away the accretions and the alienation of history and to connect with the pure beginning. In the depth of water history is broken down and the innocence of the prehistoric times repaired.

It probably is a too romantic illusion to think that in a technological age this archaic symbolism of water still has any serious and practical meaning. The question is, how seriously it was taken in old times, so before the time that a romantic interpretation had laid itself like a second skin over the symbols. When we can speak about something like a ‘lost identity’, it cannot be repaired through a symbolic way. It is doubtable, if this was literally the meaning of the ancient rituals, and even if such terms were even conceivable in an archaic context. Maybe there is more of a homage to the elements than a searching for the own identity. Unmaking history in a symbolical way isn’t necessarily an expression of an irrational desire to start anew and to give up the achievements of reason. The gesture can also be seen as a re-evaluating of human actions by the laws of the elements.

The ancient rituals can be interpreted as a constant precaution to, as the Stoic philosophers would say, live in accordance with nature, in harmony with and parallel to the seasons, the movements of celestial bodies and the elements. The rhythm of life in this symbolism isn’t determined by a self-powered decision of man, who regards himself as the centre of the universe, but in dialogue with a rhythm outside of him. The world does not revolve around man, but man is a late-comer in an already revolving world and needs to adjust to its rhythm and laws to maintain himself. He is more the witness and careful inhabitant of the world than a master of it.

The ritual cleansing with living water fits in the same frame as the careful consulting of the phase of the moon and the stars in agricultural and nautical enterprises of decisive importance, as the studying of the flight of birds or listening to the predicting rustle in the tops of trees. This whole technology of cautiousness, embedded in a contemplative stance in the world, represents a respect for the elements, that in later times was perhaps neglected too much for the benefit of a maximum of exploitation, which more and more took on a character of overtaxing. The way in which in our youngest past streaming water is used as a self-transporting sewer, in hindsight bares all the characteristics of what was considered recklessness in ancient times.

An example of that is told by Ovid in his playful frame tales surrounding the mythical metamorphoses, in which water plays a strikingly large part as a medium of transformation. When the goddess Latona, floating over the earth with her two children in search of a cool drink had arrived at a clear lake, she wanted to scoop the water with her hand. But the Lycian country-folk, who were working in the vicinity, prevented the goddess from quenching her thirst. ‘One sip of water would be as nectar to me, and I will feel, that with it I’ve been given life again’, she assured them. But without hearing the warning nestled within the word ‘nectar’ –an indication, that the woman knew this drink of the gods by experience- and from the consideration that the elements could be no one’s personal property (usus communis aquarum est –water is for common use) the herders kept the goddess away from the water. They even jumped into the lake to muddy the water with their stamping feet and make it undrinkable. As a punishment for that, the goddess turned them into frogs, sentenced to forever flounder in brackish water and quack without being understood.

The temptation is great to use this story as an instructive fable on modern relationships, and point out spiteful Lycians in our own environment, that muddy the elements. The question has been talked about often and there’s no shortage of accusatory pointed fingers. But whoever should be transformed into a frog, it is clear, that the symbolism of water, which until recently had a distinctly poetic character, has in the last few years undergone a thorough change. No natural disaster has caused that, nor a sudden change in symbolical thinking, but human neglect in regards to the side-effects of a somewhat too hasty and messy technological development. Streams of water no longer seem to be the source and image of life, but of death, not of cleansing, but of decay. The clear beginning phase has become a brackish end stage. Instead of an element, water threatens to become a waste-product with the fortunate characteristic, that it takes care of its own transportation. A communal property degenerates into a public sewer. The friendly babbling brook of yesteryear flees the scene ashamed and bubbling with poison. The nymphs that gracefully danced on the shores have changed into wrinkly furies with snake-hair; drooling slime and venom they preach death and destruction.

Still, the attention for elements has not disappeared in a technological age. That is only in a very little part the merit of man. What is elemental will maintain itself through the entire history. If it is forgotten, it will return and present itself again. The historical, history-making man can only separate himself from the elements a couple of steps. When he goes too far, he lapses into an uninhabitable artificiality and he will be haunted by his furies. The history of technology is a continuous, haughty experiment with the length of that distance. Water too is involved in it and it’s been made mostly subordinate to technology and the will to reduce the world and the elements to means. But the archaic, cautious dealing with the element has as it were spliced off the technological existence and taken a place in a ‘second life’, that hasn’t been caricaturized by our will, namely recreation. What water was in ancient cleansing rituals, it has become again in the modern way of spending time off: a recreating, recreative element. In the time in which we relax, we can afford a pace of life, in which elemental things get a place they’re more entitled to. The tension of a match is part of it, but also the disinterested interest in movements that do not lead to anything spectacular, but only invite us to contemplate.

The place that water takes in recreation, is a sign of its elemental indispensability. Elements cannot be passed by in history. If they are passed over, history has evaporated into poisonous clouds. When they are driven out of technology and economy, they’ll return in luxury, like for example the fire place or in the alternative life of time off, and give those more content. The further we are separated in our ‘first life’ from the elements, the greater is our need for recreation. In recreation the technological alienation from the elements is being undone and on a small scale the history of the human position to water repeats: the surprised contemplation of the element, the battle against the waves and the wind, waged with the most primitive of means, the relaxed succumbing to their overpower and the endless, goalless drifting on the back of the water. In this recreational match the means are reduced to the elemental.

Psychologists might be a bit too quick in talking about a ‘regressus in uterum’ and a drifting on the amniotic fluid. But when we emphasize the elemental character of water, by this interpretation man again seems to become the centre of the contemplation too much. That water is an element means that man could attribute an endless amount of meanings to it, but only based on the fact, that the water itself is the centre, and not subjected to an ‘egotrip’. It’s not man that makes water, it’s water that makes man and invites him to contemplation. Drifting on water, listening to the waves or with his eyes following the stream he is confronted with something that in force and duration surpasses his own existence and on which he depends.

In a country mostly situated below sea-level, the inhabitants won’t easily be reduced to an unpractical and all too poetic idealization of water. A land that has been wrestled free from the billows must in a way view this element as its arch enemy and a constant threat. Dealing with water there has the character of a permanent, heroic battle. Even the meaning of the word ‘element’, especially in plural, is colored by it. Whatever there is of poetry in the symbolism of water continually gets crossed by a wakeful sobriety. A perfected hydraulic engineering technology is an expression of that. Knowledge, power and money concentrate themselves around the battle with an enemy, who only when subdued can become a means of transport and the subject of content contemplation.

In ancient Egypt, where the yearly flooding of the Nile demanded the mobilization of all forces to make a maximum profit of the fertilizing element, already thousands of years before our calendar the Farao’s dyke-graves grew. Thanks to their power Egypt could become ‘a gift of the Nile’, as Herodotus calls it. The enemy becomes a friend, if he is controlled with his own laws. In a country like ours the poetry of water and the recreational enjoyment of it presupposes an intense technological control of the element. That does not make the poetry and joy smaller, but adds to it the element of intense satisfaction.